Already dreading the depression that comes with trying on bathing suits, I grabbed up several different styles and headed to the dressing room. I wasn't satisfied with my choices because the styles and colors that caught my eye, we're not made to hold any sort of body parts, let alone an abundance of body.
Furthermore...the prices! I don't think I am alone in needing a different size bathing suit every year:
10- the year that I exercise daily, eat small sensible snacks throughout the day and sleep well.
12- the year I exercise several times a week, enjoy some tasty food, and lose a few nights of sleep
14- the year my exercise is purely focused on my brain, I live for burgers and bourbon, and I forget what sleep is
While searching the racks for a classy, affordable suit that could hold the MAZ, I found words escaping my lips at great speed and volume, "where the heck do you put your.....where are the.....what! EIGHTY DOLLARS ON SALE?"
I quickly decided I would not pay for a full suit, a tank suit top would do. I had swim skirt bottoms at home.
After slingshotting one top under the stall and on the feet of the lady next door, putting one very strappy top on backwards and creating a turkey-in-the-string-wrap effect, and then seeing the the stripes on one of the tops were indeed NOT supposed to be bigger in sporadic areas, I finally settled on a simple black top. It was $59, on sale for $41, and only half a suit, but I decided I would shut my eyes and make the purchase. I did have a $25 gift card gifted to me at Christmas that I could use.
The sale discount registered, the gift card was swiped...."your total is $7.61."
This immediately became the happiest shopping moment of my life!