I don't need to watch any of the current, popular reality shows. I work in one.
This week's conversations became so entertaining that I started taking notes for my memory.
I DONT GIVE A SPIT
You must imagine this being said in a thick southern, mountain, hillbilly accent with a mouth full of dip, standing RIGHT behind me with one hand on my shoulder and the other hand holding his spit cup.......talking with the hand holding the spit cup.....me cringing at the possibility of what might splash/spray on me:
".......ahhh, that ain't nothing......(loud juicy spit)......my boy (words Im not sure what he was saying)...... I ran into the door with my head. (more crazy words).... as I rammed my toe up under the door and peeled back that nail.....hee hee hee hee (loud juicy spit that didn't quite clear the bottom lip). I was swearin and stompin....(more words and the ones I understood, i will not repeat)
He was laughing so hard he had tears.
His dip spit was so awful, I had tears.
THE POPE THAT BINDS US
The other female in the world comes rushing into my office and motions for me to take my headphones out of my ears. Wondering what was so urgent, I quickly yanked Taylor Swift out of my ears.
"We have a new pope!"
Me, confused as to why this was so urgent: "are you catholic?"
"no, I'm southern baptist"
"oh, well......who is it?"
"some old guy. isn't this exciting?!"
never being able to accomplish the art of female bonding, I stupidly responded
"um, yes...but he isn't MY Pope....so...."
"YES HE IS. He is everybody's Pope"
realizing I was lost in this conversation, I put on my female smile and raised my voice to female bonding status
"THAT is exciting?"
ONE OF THE GUYS
In a work-related conversation with several guys:
"hey, I forgot to tell you! I got my prostate examined last week!"
"Really, let me make it clear AGAIN.......I don't need to know details..."
A CONFUSING HOME REMEDY
AND with one more day left in this work week, I dare say this is the last noteworthy conversation.....
not in my presence but definitely in ear shot:
"my feet itch"
"what is that smell? your feet?"
"what? aw, naw.....I had a burrito for breakfast and pork rinds at break. something is not agreeing with me."
"you should pee on your feet, the ammonia helps."
and THAT is just a few examples of my daily dose of reality