I love learning new things. The problem comes when I don't obtain all knowledge needed to have success. The saying "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" is my personal hell! I want to be able to do anything and everything, without having to practice.
Today, I needed to do a respirator fit test, AND make it look like I knew what I was doing.
Last week, I wore my tight jeans to a worksite. I stood by a steam cooker, the size of a smart car, for 2 1/2 hours. Sweat poured out of my scalp, down my back, and into my jeans. As the jeans formed a second skin covering, I realized I would not be using the restroom until I returned home. If I pulled my pants down, my thighs would expand as the oxygen hit the moisture, and I would need to finish my workday in just my neon orange undies. At least they would match the stripe in my safety vest.
Today, I was prepared for a hot day on a job site, and wore my jeans that are now a size too big.
Monday, after work, I went to dinner in shorts and flip flops. I had worn my work boots that day and my athletic socks had formed a permanent "leg swelling" crease from my lower calf down to my ankle. My regular gorgeous gams looked like an old lady that wore compression socks.
Today, I was prepared to quickly change into my shorts and flip flops, after work, and pick my kids up from camp. I wore ankle socks with my work boots to avoid the silly sock creases.
I have learned that if I prepare and overthink things, I end up looking like an idiot. This week, I developed a new philosophy "just wing it!"
Winging the fit test:
I placed the hood on the employee and told him to tell me as soon as he TASTED the bitter bitrex.
I squeezed and squeezed the nebulizer.
(Pay attention, reader. I am looking for a taste, not a smell. But I stink at verbalization. If I could communicate only through writing, my life would flow smoothly)
He shook his head. He did not smell anything
I squeezed and squeezed, at least 60 times.
I poured more bitrex in the capsule.
I recalled being told how awful bitrex is....bitter.....made a coworker "gag and gag" when he got some in his mouth.
I squeezed the nebulizer some more and asked this employee, "do you smell anything?
Three of us stood there sniffing the bitrex, no smell AT ALL! I started to stress:
1. I don't look like I know what I am doing
2. This is taking too long
3. I don't know what is wrong or how to make it right
Out of anger and confusion, I made an illogical decision. I dipped my finger in the liquid. My finger became a ladle as it poured the bitrex over my lips and tongue.
My face, from top lip down, went numb. I turned to face the employee, drooling from my paralyzed face.
"Ewe don taste anythan bidder at awe?"
The man's eyebrows raised as he searched my face. I assume he was looking for signs that I just had a stroke.
"Oh....well I tasted the bitterness after the 5th squeeze. I was waiting to smell something."
I tried to drink enough from the water fountain to regain any taste, other than bitrex. Unsuccessful...
I finished my visit in the 113 degree shop. My jeans, once again, became soaked with sweat. By the last section of the shop, I was swinging my legs side to side. The top part of my boots had melted to my ankles and lower calf, disabling normal walking ability. The weight of the sweat was slowly removing my pants. My hands were occupied with transporting materials making it hard to retrieve my waistband.
Finally, the 3 hour visit was at an end. I crawled in my car, cranked up the AC, and pried my boots off, along with my lower leg skin, with an impressive suction sound effect.
Now all I had to do was find my way back to the office. I came straight on I 40. Should not be a problem to go back.
I'll just wing it!
I merge onto I 40 and quickly noticed all the world's interstates meet, in this direction.
MAZ, the directionally challenged, ended up on the wrong interstate merge, and almost made it to Mississippi, before realizing the mistake.
30 minutes later than planned, I sloshed into the office, sans boots.
I drank two cokes- bitrex.
I ate Jeff's homemade manicotti (after missing the camp pick up) - bitrex
I ate 5 rolls- bitrex
Maybe NyQuil will chase away this awful taste.