Today, I entered the dressing room at a local department store. I prepared myself to only "glance" in the mirrors that lined the walls. I only needed to make sure that secrets were covered as I begrudgingly took on the task of choosing a swimsuit for our August beach trip. I did not need to go into an emotional breakdown over a swimsuit.
My eyes are still swollen from an emotional breakdown 2 days ago. For someone who hates emotion and crying, I do it well.
I was so tired Wednesday from lack of sleep that when I got home from work, I fell on the bed and cried the snotty, gasping for breath, ugly cry. It lasted for almost 2 hours. Ridiculous!
Jeff knows this is how I ultimately handle stuffing my emotions, so he patted me on the back and told me all about a TV show he started watching. He spoke louder the louder I cried.
Back in today's dressing room, I chose several different types of suits. One was designed to flatter my femaleness but after I stuffed myself into it, I cut my eyes at the mirror and felt like my body had turned into a cartoon:
Still tired, I fought back tears as I reached for another suit. It was supposed to hide unwanted curves with slimming lines...
I cut my eyes at the wall of mirrors and realized vertical lines are not ALWAYS better!
Trying to convince myself that I look fine, just not made for clothes, I tried the next bathing suit. I KNEW it was going to work! The tag even said so!
"tummy control, instant slimming"
It was black, which I feel is easier to disappear into a hole.....a black hole....out of sight!
I moved the tourniquet over my thighs and tucked my body into this magic black cloth.....
much like you would tuck a long shirt into your pants. After minutes, the suit snapped onto my body with a loud "cracking the whip" sound that echoed through the fitting room.
Before I looked into the mirror, I made the decision that if this suit looked great, I would gladly wet myself at the beach....because there was no way I was going to put that suit on more than once a day!
I slowly turned to face the mirror. The tag did not tell a lie! My tummy was slim!
However, it had pushed the extra body down and out to my thighs...up and out my chest....back and around and out between straps.....
Disgusted and fighting back emotion, I stretched with all my might to remove the slimming suit.
What the tag did not advertise was the fact that in the event of removal, you will be turned into a human slingshot/catapult.
I shielded my eyes from the wall of mirrors, pulled the straps out and launched myself out of the suit.
I shot across the dressing cubicle and into the thin wall. The force knocked the square room out of whack and the walls began to fall like dominoes.
Thankfully, all of us ladies were about the same body type and trying on bathing suits. Giggling erupted and requests "are you okay?" rippled down the 9 temporarily unhinged walled rooms. I started laughing uncontrollably which led to uncontrolled cry/laughing.
Most people that witness this emotional act feel a need to send me straight to emergency therapy!
I quickly got dressed, gathered my wallet and keys, apologized profusely and tried to escape.
Dressing Room Attendant picks up my credit card and my business card, "is this yours?"
I grabbed my credit card "yes! thank you!"
I looked at my business card with "GREEN & SAFE" screaming out to everyone. I thought about the unsafe demolition I had just caused.....
"This isn't mine, but I'll take it"