ClassicMAZ on the beach

What is 'zig zag', purple red, and irritated by wind...or a contemplative scratch....or a scrunch of the hand....

I'll give you one guess.

Here is how I controlled my hair yesterday while I stood in the boiling sun for several hours.

Who was the person that looked at the ocean shore and thought,

"hmmmm....salty dehydrating water that repeatedly beats the sandy shore with backwash from marine life and ships

....water and sand reflecting the sun, causing skin to burn, blemish, brown and leather no matter how much you try to cover or protect your smooth skin

...the wind will either beat your skin raw, or not blow at all, causing major sweat to meld with the abrasive sand and form a second skin in 'no no' places

Hey!...let's make this a number one summer vacation destination!"

It is day 2 and I have slapped, rubbed and glazed my body with so much sun lotion that when I bend over to adjust my lounge chair, my rolls and creases shoot lotion out like a multi-spigot fountain.

However, I still redden from heat, sun, and wind burn.

By 2:00 PM, I begin to look like the invisible man, creeping beside the pool, desperately seeking the shade of a palm leaf.

After digging my ass into a comfortable "sand seat", letting the ocean waves give me a sand blast rinse, and just walking around, in general, I peel my suit off at lunch. The goal is to pee as few times as possible during the day, so the 30 minute "stuffing the spandex with the extra body" is only endured two to three times.

As the 40 year old, well used, body releases from the suit, a friggin castle falls out....

I then peel the seaweed, shells and sea oats off my mid-section, as I realize my suit and body is a taxi for ocean crap.

And then there is this guy-

Was about 45 lounge chairs away from me, and within a 30 minute time, he managed to "sneakily" end up in the chair two away from mine.

Lots of grinning, nodding, staring....

I was staring too

Because he was actually putting this on his body!

So I am reading by the pool and smell a grill or BBQ.....oh. Wait. It is just a gal from the 80s ruining her true beauty.

Stop the over tanning!