I have a few memories from the TN apartment, to which we moved, from FL: I saw Santa fly by my window, my mom made gravy that came to life, and my sisters found my life fortune, in pennies, under my bed. All 3 of these truly happened when I was 3 years old, in an apartment, in Red Bank, TN. Remind me to tell you those stories another time.
My classicMAZ stories begin around 1976-77, in a little house on Easton Avenue, Red Bank, TN. The driveway was so steep, you could not see over the dashboard, as mom or dad drove into the carport. The house was so tall, I would tire walking up the steps to the front door, and the house was so big, I was scared to sleep in the dark. Today, on Google Earth, I believe I found the house where my stories begin. Much has changed in 40 years.
I remember being excited to play in our backyard woods, and in the amazing carport that had a "rich people" laundry room storage closet. After being a family of 5, in the apartment, we would now dwell in a palace.
The day we began life on Easton Avenue, I was standing in the front yard. If there were bushes, they certainly were not overgrown and concealing what lurked in the house to the left. I bent over to pick up my green "Beth". "Beth" was a ball my mom had bought me at the grocery store, drew a face on it, and then presented me with my new friend. I named her "Beth". In later years, others would use my mother's genius idea, but she would never receive credit.
As I picked up Beth, the earth began to shake and the most horrifying red monster scorched my face with his hot breath and slapped me backwards down the hill with his sloppy wet tongue.
This would be my last day in the yard on Easton Avenue.
I never played in that magnificent backyard. I would stare out of our patio door, dreaming of the adventures I wanted to have and then THUD Jason would appear on the sliding glass door, sending terror through my body.
Mom said he just wanted to play, but I knew he wanted to eat me.
A few times, I would look out a side window, or cling to my mother screaming, but I secretly watched a red monster perform an amazing feat with his owner......even my dad. Jason put his paws on my dad's shoulders and stood up.
Eye to eye, Jason would dance with my dad.
Over the next 18 months, 5 stories would unfold that would forever change me.
Already dreading the depression that comes with trying on bathing suits, I grabbed up several different styles and headed to the dressing room. I wasn't satisfied with my choices because the styles and colors that caught my eye, we're not made to hold any sort of body parts, let alone an abundance of body.
Furthermore...the prices! I don't think I am alone in needing a different size bathing suit every year:
10- the year that I exercise daily, eat small sensible snacks throughout the day and sleep well.
12- the year I exercise several times a week, enjoy some tasty food, and lose a few nights of sleep
14- the year my exercise is purely focused on my brain, I live for burgers and bourbon, and I forget what sleep is
While searching the racks for a classy, affordable suit that could hold the MAZ, I found words escaping my lips at great speed and volume, "where the heck do you put your.....where are the.....what! EIGHTY DOLLARS ON SALE?"
I quickly decided I would not pay for a full suit, a tank suit top would do. I had swim skirt bottoms at home.
After slingshotting one top under the stall and on the feet of the lady next door, putting one very strappy top on backwards and creating a turkey-in-the-string-wrap effect, and then seeing the the stripes on one of the tops were indeed NOT supposed to be bigger in sporadic areas, I finally settled on a simple black top. It was $59, on sale for $41, and only half a suit, but I decided I would shut my eyes and make the purchase. I did have a $25 gift card gifted to me at Christmas that I could use.
The sale discount registered, the gift card was swiped...."your total is $7.61."
This immediately became the happiest shopping moment of my life!