The other Sunday was like any other Sunday.
I sat uncomfortable in my pew, cursing the man that invented pantyhose.
I fumbled through the church bulletin, while waiting for the sermon.
I read these words and immediately, without thinking, tore them out and stuck them in my Bible. I LOVE these words! I LOVE what it means to me personally!!!
This morning, I came across the piece of paper tucked in my Bible. I read the words again. I let the feeling of worship and glorifying God begin to trickle over me....
Before I let down my guard to feel emotion, I felt Jack shake beside me and then heard a small giggle.
I quickly snapped back into MAZ mode and shot Jack a "look". He stole a quick look at Max and then bowed his head but his shoulders continued to shake with laughter.
I looked at Max. He had dark circles under his eyes and his lids looked as if they would fall straight to the floor with the weight of sleep. I looked back at the pastor. Seconds later, Jack was hysterical again. I tilted my head forward so I could look around Jack, in order to see Max. Max's eyelids were huge and swollen with "sleepy time", leaving tiny slits for us to see his glassy eyeballs rolling around in the sockets.
As soon as I witnessed the next action, Jack giggled audibly. Max's lips were moving. Was he talking in his "pew sleep"? I smiled as Jack shook with silent giggles. Max's eyes shifted sharp to look into mine. A blaze of anger silenced my grinning eyes.
In fear, I turned to look straight ahead. As soon as the service was over, I heard a demon say "I will kill you. I will kill you as much as I can." I looked behind me at my sons. Max's eyes were black as he hissed these angry words at Jack.
Jack's eyes were dancing in delight of Max's anger.
If I were the one reading this about another family and kid, I would think back to my experience in dealing with emotional disturbed children and their families. I would start an intervention for the family...immediately.
However, it is Max.....my son.....just like his momma....quick to anger.
Add lack of sleep and poor diet......you get a demon in the pew on a beautiful Sunday morning.
Do you remember that commercial from the 80s?
Some of us are born with beauty and others of us are given hilarity.
I'm pretty sure that my hilarity will last longer than your beauty!
(I will always look hilarious, but you may not always be beautiful)
This is how I keep my chins up from day-to-day
Don't hate me because I'm hilarious. My life used to be serious, then I discovered NYQUIL. Even with all the things I put my friends and family through.....I still find everything funny.
It won't happen overnight, but eventually, they will find you funny too.....or at least that is how you will perceive it....you'll see.
As you might have read on my Facebook page, I use many gas station bathrooms. Before I had this job, I NEVER used public restrooms.....much less, one in a gas station!
Yesterday, I had to pee so bad, I stopped at the scariest gas station in the middle of nowhere.
The location didn't scare me....
The 6 inbred, toothless, nasty dudes that came in the door behind me did not scare me.....
I was fearing the bathroom I might encounter!
In fact my co-worker's encouraging last words to me as I got out of the car were
"there is probably poop smeared all over the walls".
I walked to one corner of the tiny store. I saw a door marked MEN and a door marked KEEP OUT. Fearing that I might have to use the men's restroom, I tried the other corner of the store. I crawled behind stacks of beer and found a strange, tiny door marked WOMEN.
I squeezed by the beer stock and popped out in front of an old Jam box that was blaring Blue Oyster Cult's, FEAR THE REAPER.
Great song....bad timing!
I felt like I had stepped right into a Criminal Minds episode....
I cautiously opened the door, and found a SPECTACULARLY CLEAN bathroom!
It was great!
I did the Mary Tyler Moore "throw my hat in the air spin" out of complete joy.
As I spun toward the toilet, I noticed several strategically placed, quarter sized holes drilled into the wall. I didn't see any flashing red light, but I did notice it definitely led into a dark room.
My first thought was "crap, this bathroom is clean because they just bleached from the last video taped murder"
My second thought was "hmmm, maybe the video taping perv is a woman....because I haven't met a male perv that could clean a bathroom this great!"
I stuffed each hole with toilet paper, then quick did my business and left before it turned into another crime scene.
But most importantly, I said a quick praise prayer "thank you, that if I am to die a horrible video taped death in a gas station bathroom....it SPECTACULARLY CLEAN....amen"
My co worker, someone that most people might have been comforted to have as protection, sat in the car until I appeared germ free, unharmed and all 6 scary dudes left in their truck.....
THEN they went into the station.
Much to my dismay, I left my phone/camera in the car.....no pics for the story....
I was 6 years old when I decided I needed Jesus. It was not a "feel good" wonderful moment that some people testify to....
It was painful and I have been struggling ever sense.
That is the first time I felt a pain in my chest, stomach, heart like a giant hole of pain that would never go away.
I do not recall what my 6 year old self could have possibly wanted to keep under control so badly ......
but, this would be the first of many moments in my life where God would grab on to me and hold me until I gave up the struggle.
This is the breaking of the heart.
I keep my heart hardened. It is much easier to keep control of a hard heart. A broken and soft heart is out of MY control....fills it with emotion. I am not a fan of emotion!
I know I am only struggling with myself while God patiently stands there guarding me from self inflicted danger......
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it,
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Seriously ridiculous how I know the right thing, know the outcome, and still throw a fit! I know that when the struggle is over, the joy will overwhelm me.
It will be better than the joyous cheer I silently had today when, in a hurry to pee, I pulled my pants down to the ground without unbuttoning or unzipping! YEP! the pants that usually gut me when I sit down, fell straight to the ground with one pull!
for those of you that don't understand, that means my fat jeans are too big!